I Am Seeking

My Lord, my omnipotent God, I am searching for you. I yearn to feel your essence in my very own being. From the moment I wake up to the moment that I go to sleep, I am in pursuit of you.

For the moment, I have more confusion than clarity on the doctrines and interpretations of scripture. In fact I’d even say I am in my development stage of relationship with scripture. I am not scared to declare my doubts as you are God of mercy and love. You know my ignorance but see my free will attempting. I am swimming in a vast ocean attempting to find the certainty of land.

Faith is the relationship that binds me to you. Even though I don’t have absolute conviction, I surrender my reason and devote myself to you entirely. To the point of drastic interpersonal and external changes. It’s as if I’m willing to lose it all not knowing what I am betting on. The uncertainty lingers but at the same time acts like that strengthen my faith.

On the contrary side, one can analyzes this as blind faith and cognitive behaviors to cope with decisions. However this is more of accepting that I currently do not understand, not that I never will. It’s as if you are on a roadtrip to a destination. You might not know the exact turns and paths to take but you know the destination exists and you will get there.

That does lead to the core question of accepting the existence. Such as believing in you God. Why do we believe in your God. My current stance is that human beings are capable enough to get glimpses of your creation but not understand you are the Creator of creations. What I mean by that is that we can observe the universe, its mathematical language, and use objectiveness to become creators ourselves. However we are creators within a creation. The essence that there is a creation implies there is a Creator. The theology of God being eternal and Him making us in his image, is what gravitates me to you Lord.

As we are ourselves are advancing to become some form of creators of intelligence with AI, bending matter to our will, and spawning simulations, we will always have a accept that there is a Host for us. God you brought me in through a path of relying on objective reasoning and placed circumstances that made me surrender and listen. That is a universal experience for us humans as physical death is guaranteed. When our living essence is rattled, we humbly remember we are mere humans. Believing that you made us in your image allows for a foundational step to start building a connection with you God.

I write this to declare I believe but I acknowledge I am still searching. Faith requires a leap beyond reason into the realms of mystery. Believing you will discover more is fuel to keep seeking. I thank you God for your patience, love, and grace. You are our personal God who knows us and knows everything. May we feel your essence and always yearn to keep you close. Through the good and tough times. I love you God.